tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35686733903207442912024-03-19T20:43:00.734+00:00Three Sea Horses'it is better to be conscientiously troubled and perplexed by the vastness and complexity of the unknown than content with the little that is known' arshile gorky, artist, 1940three sea horseshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07678957230883937255noreply@blogger.comBlogger153125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3568673390320744291.post-55987819890255090172023-02-01T15:51:00.002+00:002023-02-01T15:51:35.496+00:002023.Imbolc.<p> I thought I would start blogging again.</p><p>I've been looking at web building sites, thinking about getting one.</p><p>I Remembered I have this blog So I'm checking in to see if it will work as a pseudo website for my artwork. </p><p>But I need to workout how to present it. </p><p>I'm going to check out layouts first.</p>three sea horseshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07678957230883937255noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3568673390320744291.post-20988092089294980122019-11-28T17:35:00.001+00:002021-03-14T12:07:17.838+00:00London <div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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A beautiful flight above the clouds as the sun begins to go down. </div>
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a day out at the Anthony Gormley show at the RA</div>
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We are entranced by this, my aunt totally absorbed in feelings, meanings<br>
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I had gone south to see my son perform one of his mentalist/comedy magic shows. Having cancer has severely curtailed his work and activities, but after over a year of operations, chemo, and general unwellness, he has started to feel some energy again and determines to get back to his loved work as a magician, performing, and to continue to do so despite pain and tiredness to do so as long as his body will let him.</div>
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We don't know how long he has, but he refuses to live that, although he feels it hanging over him all the time. </div>
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On stage he becomes a true performer and a wonder with his audiences, he really comes out of himself, and says he feels at home there. Something we share, although I no longer perform and have not done so for many years, it is something that doesn't leave you.</div>
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And neither has his existence ever left my consciousness for the 45 years that I had no idea where he was or if he was still alive, having been adopted when he was a baby.</div>
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I came across something the other day which was an article about psychological effects on the birth mother of having one's baby adopted. I was a bit blown away actually, you never think about that for yourself, you just think about it for your child - is he ok, did i do right by him, has he been told, how does he feel...</div>
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But you - you just get on with life as best you can. You avoid babies and children as much as you can without it looking odd, without doing anything you have to apologise for or explain about. You hide the knife in your guts when your sibling has your parents's 'first' grandchild, and say what a lovely photo, and hide the subsequent knives every time a sibling, cousin, friend become pregnant, have babies.</div>
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And when they grow up through their growing stages through birthdays and christmases, their graduations, loves, their own children, the knives are still there.</div>
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You live with it in silence. Because it is impossible to expect others to understand, the guilt, the pain, the loss.</div>
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And then i read this article which seemed to explain it all, and it felt as if it was all allowed all along, and that there had been counselling for birth mothers in recent times when they gave their baby up! I'm glad, i'm glad for them because otherwise you just go numb, and can't function, don't even know you aren't functioning, smoking dope all day.</div>
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You can get out of the dope habit or at least i eventually did. Maybe i am lucky i don't seem to be an addictive person, but it must be hell if you are one.</div>
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And now my son and I have been in touch, he found me 5 years ago! </div>
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And we found we had such a lot in common that we thought the nature nurture argument was sorted with nature winning!!</div>
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I am so bloody proud of him. He has done life a fairly hard way - but all his own way - putting himself through all kinds of experiences and survived whole and kind and caring and special. </div>
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But he now has cancer and it is terminal.</div>
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And i am not sure how to be a mother. Or a grandmother to his two fab girls, 9 and 12 this year. They have now been told, and i can't even imagine how they all cope. But there is a lovely partner to my son now - they got together before the diagnosis, moved in together, love each other madly, and then a year later the diagnosis. But the girls love her too and she is there, taking care and trying her best to cope. And I bless her for being there and thank heaven for their finding each other.</div>
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I want to write to my granddaughters but having decided that i now realise i have no idea what to say. I think perhaps i just have to begin. We have all met each other a few times, when I go south my son always makes sure they are there for a few of hours, and I feel I am just beginning to get to know them, but will I ever be able to be a proper gran, what will happen, how do i do this.</div>
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All unanswerable questions just now. The questions go round and round, the thoughts, the worries and sadness. Doing my best to keep positive. live day by day, be normal. Back in Scotland. </div>
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three sea horseshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07678957230883937255noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3568673390320744291.post-39063579092407258232019-01-27T16:38:00.001+00:002019-01-27T16:41:18.081+00:00Old Photos, first UK ChristmasThe first Christmas I had in the UK was in 1956. I know that because it was the year of the Suez crisis. We had been living in Cairo at the time. I was 6. I remember flying to the UK with mother because Granny had had a heart attack (or stroke). Ma told me years later that when we landed we were greeted with 'thank goodness you got out', which surprised her as she had not realised how serious the situation was (apparently!) Who knows what our parents told us in order not to scare us!<br />
Anyway, father and 2 other BOAC men had bundled into a jeep and driven north to Alexandria to get boats home, but had got caught and arrested there.<br />
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Meanwhile, ma and I were staying with an old pal of hers, Peg, who lived in an old house which had once been the hunting lodge of the Nightingale family. It was called Longdown, and was haunted by the Embly ghost, being very near to Embly Park school which I believe used to be the Nightingale family house. Longdown was haunted too, I heard the ghost. Peg reassured me it was a friendly one, just came up stairs at night and checked we were all ok.<br />
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Longdown in the snow.<br />
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I loved this house, it was full of strange nooks and crannies to hide in, and dusty places to explore, it was also on the edge of a wood where I would spend time running about inventing stories and fantasies with Alex and Pru the Pointer, Peg's dog.<br />
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Alex was already staying with Peg when ma and I arrived. Standing at the doorway as we got out of the car were Peg and a boy wielding an enormous sword! This was Alex, Peg's nephew on hols from school whose parents lived in Hong Kong. I was awestruck. The sword was a family heirloom of Peg's, it eventually ended up in the attic out of harm's way.<br />
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I am unsure about what time of year all this took place in. At some point I will look up when Suez actually crisised. But by the time Christmas came my father was back, and staying with us, and I saw my very first snow.<br />
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Ma and me and another front view of Longdown.<br />
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Me and Alex on Anna, Peg's horse, at Longdown. Anna once chucked me head first into a bed of nettles!<br />
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Snowball time, i am looking a bit bemused.<br />
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Side view of Longdown, there was a large shed on the other side and a large veg garden in which I lost my tortoise. This is me and Pru Peg's pointer, usually mucking about in the wood.<br />
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Me, Peg and Ma, winter walks.<br />
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All these photos were taken by my father, he never went anywhere without his camera, so he was obviously back from Egypt by now. I used to go into my ma's room each morning when I woke up. One morning there was a man in her bed, I crept round to her side and asked ma, she said it was my father. I didnt recognise him - he had a beard! I was quite annoyed that he hadn't brought me my dolls house back. He had one suitcase, and all our belongings at the house in Cairo were never to be seen again - by us anyway. I remember father being really angry about something to do with the government but in those days children were not told 'grown up' things.<br />
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I have so many memories of this time, this place. I may continue this later.<br />
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<br />three sea horseshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07678957230883937255noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3568673390320744291.post-7920980010489685342019-01-07T15:03:00.001+00:002019-01-13T13:14:28.850+00:00A Carol Service in Salisbury<br />
A little post of it's own, this.<br />
In Salisbury we noticed we would miss the Cathedral carol service taking place after our visit ended. A carol service for Busy People was advertised at another church nearby, and we decided we might go to it. When the day came, we decided again that we might as well go along even if just to see what a carol service for busy people was like.<br />
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My niece was with us. We were a bit late, just in time to be led in to what looked like the last seats right beside the huge Christmas tree behind the wind quartet. The place was packed and it was very large. So we sang carols, my niece sobbed more than sang and my sister in law sang wiping away tears, they had both declared that they cried when they sang, and they did! I thought I might cry as well, having done so in previous church situations, but I didnt, i think being between two people who were was sufficient.<br />
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Then there was a sermon, in which the vicar spoke to us all as if we were all in a sitting room chatting. To illustrate a point he was making he produced a plastic kite with a superman picture on it, and ran up and down the aisle to make it fly! What a wonderfully warm, human, person he seemed to be. We all felt warmed and loved somehow.<br />
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At the end of the service people came around with mountains of mince pies and gallons of mulled wine, an endless supply. My niece was in floods of tears, i think the whole thing had been such a cathartic experience for her, a woman came to talk to her and offered to ask the vicar to chat to her, he came and took her off to a quieter spot and she came back smiling and feeling a bit overwhelmed.<br />
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We had thought of going to a carol service because we thought it might make us feel a bit more christmassy, it was just a thought. It turned out to be a cathartic experience for all of us. My panic 'dreads' thing i had woken up with that morning had totally gone as well.<br />
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<br />three sea horseshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07678957230883937255noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3568673390320744291.post-52514652700882145392019-01-07T14:43:00.000+00:002019-01-07T14:43:40.871+00:00It is 2019, 7th January, such a dark time of the year and yet again i have been low with bad cold and cough - now on the mend. The dark gets right into me and i become dark myself, struggling to find any reasons to do things while being determined not to sink into the black hole of inactivity. So at least the cleaning gets done. Which is something for me, being such a clart.<br />
The garden is neglected, the soil in a bad way, plants gone dead and brown, it is windy and it is cold.<br />
I like to keep the old dead things around the garden to help any wildlife, especially a passing hedgehog, get about without being pounced on. Hope there is a hedgehog in the hedgehog house.<br />
Mainly it is the soil i need to improve, the large tree makes things more difficult as does all the expense of buying compost etc. I will persevere, do it in stages, nearer spring time.<br />
For now, i have rearranged some furniture having rid the room of xmas stuff, in order to give myself a small space meant for painting at. And here I am at it, totally unable to paint at all.<br />
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There is a new tenant upstairs. A man apparently. He has quite heavy footsteps, but then most men do. The last tenant, a woman, was incredibly quiet. I hope the man isnt very noisy, hasnt been so far.<br />
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I was in Salsibury before Christmas for a few days, staying in a hotel with my sister in law, it was a real treat she gave me. Hanging out with her was very relaxing and enjoyable. We saw some of my brother and niece, and aunt, and i was quite sad not to be staying for Christmas.<br />
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A very strange thing on a tower on the bridge - and wreath of handcuffs!<br />
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again<br />
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At my favorite venue in Salisbury, Fisherton Mill art centre, studios, cafe and shop</div>
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Cathedral cloisters</div>
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Think this might be called the Quire, not sure</div>
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Cathedral Christmas globe</div>
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Side chapel, my brother and my son have a leaf hanging there now</div>
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moon</div>
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The font, the large globe reflected therein</div>
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more perspective</div>
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A window in the hotel corridor !!</div>
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There it is. Nice memories. I did think about looking up rental prices in Salisbury when I got home. Then I remembered that things and places always seem better when on holiday, living somewhere will always be different.</div>
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This is my cousin Janet, but I dont remember what the programme was.</div>
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Here is my niece at Edinburgh airport trying to sort herself ready for security check</div>
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She's getting there</div>
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now she is ready to go</div>
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She flew up for a couple of days' visit.</div>
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it is time to go now, not sure where, i just need to move, change environment, get away from cabin fever. </div>
<br />three sea horseshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07678957230883937255noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3568673390320744291.post-55814431897402788092017-11-26T14:48:00.003+00:002017-11-27T10:58:17.469+00:00<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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Another year, another Open Studios event. This image seems to be the current favourite, I could have sold it so many times over, but it is not for sale - being part of the body of work I am working on in order to try and get an exhibition when there is enough.</div>
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I dont terribly enjoy these occasions, but the advantages are that pal’s come and visit and it is also interesting to hear different people’s comments. The odd person, (not the person is odd), will like something I didnt think anyone would take to, which is also interesting.</div>
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Sometimes you can tell who is an artist themselves. Some people just look in the door - they cant see me, I am behind it at my desk - and go away. Some people come in and look round and go out again. Some people come in and say hello to my hello and really look at the work and comment. Artists often dont let on they are an artist, until you wheedle it out of them!</div>
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You can get quite down when not many people come in, but you take it on the chin and find something to do, and then eventually people will come in, and you realise it is much nicer to have people coming in who are actually interested, than the ones who arent anyway. </div>
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Like any art, you put your ‘soul’ on display. I think I manage to put my ‘soul’ in a safe place to cope. I guess we all must do that in our own ways. </div>
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The next thing is going to be on 30th when I look up on the SSA website to see if any of the works I submitted have been selected. I dont have them on display this weekend, so they will be very new if they - or any of them - are. Again ‘soul’ in box, so it doesn’t matter.</div>
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I realised that I ought to have some business cards yesterday when people asked me for one, so I made a few - yesterday’s batch didnt really work, I over worked them I think. so I made more last night at home, plain, but people are taking them! Eek that is scary too. I really am going to have to make more ‘Hebridean series’ works and find an exhibition when there is a good enough body of it. Encouragingly (is that a word?) people seem to like the two ‘works in progress’ - unfinished Hebridean works I have on display as well. </div>
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There has been one whispered (I heard!) comment on one of the ink pieces “I could do that!” - !! I thought - yes of course you could, you could do any of this work if you wanted to. Has art only got to be doing things that no one else can do? There would be no art then. Or has it only got to be somehow ‘cleaver’? How boring is that. I also thought to myself - it looks like something a child could do - but do they understand how the materials I used work? Do they realise that it is slightly more complicated!!</div>
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<br />three sea horseshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07678957230883937255noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3568673390320744291.post-83385786871914485772016-08-04T14:48:00.000+01:002016-08-04T14:48:19.564+01:00I'm going to try to paste in a post I wrote years ago on another blog I was doing for awhile. Not sure it will work - here goes..<br />
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<article class="post-wrapper post-8 post type-post status-publish format-standard hentry category-uncategorized" id="post-8" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; clear: both; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; margin-bottom: 20px;"><header class="entry-header" style="background-image: url(https://s1.wp.com/wp-content/themes/pub/matala/images/bg-header-title.gif); background-position: 0% 0%; background-repeat: no-repeat no-repeat; float: left; margin: 10px 0px; padding: 15px 0px 15px 20px; width: 460px;"><h1 class="entry-title" style="border: 0px; clear: none; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 24px; line-height: 26px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">
<a href="https://highstreetcroft.wordpress.com/2007/03/17/things/?iframe=true&theme_preview=true" rel="bookmark" style="border: 0px; color: #d8471d; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">things</a></h1>
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<span class="sep" style="border: 0px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">Posted on </span><a href="https://highstreetcroft.wordpress.com/2007/03/17/things/?iframe=true&theme_preview=true" rel="bookmark" style="border: 0px; color: #261a11; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;" title="1:43 pm"><time class="entry-date" datetime="2007-03-17T13:43:57+00:00" pubdate="">17/03/2007</time></a><span class="by-author" style="border: 0px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> <span class="sep" style="border: 0px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">by </span><span class="author vcard" style="border: 0px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><a class="url fn n" href="https://highstreetcroft.wordpress.com/author/simpsonpavilion/?iframe=true&theme_preview=true" rel="author" style="border: 0px; color: #261a11; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;" title="View all posts by simpsonpavilion">simpsonpavilion</a></span></span></div>
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idling away a morning because it is saturday and have to remember that i dont really have to do much. i listened to bits of Saturday Live this morning, and i missed the name of one of the inheritance tracks but wish i hadnt because it was really unusual, and lovely. the lesbian woman talking said that she and her partner had adopted a child and now she had grown up, and how they had gone through such a lot – first to adopt her, and then while she was growing up having been through such crap times already in her young life, coping with the effect of that. i was quite teary and moved by it. looking at the SL website on bbc, i discovered back in december there had been a thing about a woman who was a foundling. and there are messages etc about adoption, and one woman wrote about how her child had been adopted in the 70s when it was still taboo to be single mum and how her child was not unwanted at all, and its a mistake to think that adopted kids are ‘unwanted’. i am so glad someone said this. i had a child adopted in 1969 and i have never forgotten him, never got over losing him, its always with me the whole thing – where is he, is he still alive, is he happy, would he hate me, would he understand, i would love to see him and i am scared of seeing him because he might not understand and he might be disappointed.</div>
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my little brothers are also adopted by my parents when i was 7 ish. their mothers adored them, were heartbroken at being made to give them up. my mother was heartbroken at their heartbreak. but it made her more determined to try to give the boys a good life. i adored my little brothers to bits. i still adore them to bits. if they ever wanted to find their real mothers i would help if they wanted.</div>
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also i wanted to say, i like Saturday Live, but i am still getting over the loss of John Peel, i cant help it, i still miss him and i didnt even know him, he was just someone who was ‘about’ and then when he did his saturday slot that was just brilliant, he was brilliant in only the way he could be. i mean he was a one off, and special and we were very lucky to have him. but i wish he was still here.</div>
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Now :It is a word press blog which seems so complicated to use I kind of gave up, </div>
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</article>three sea horseshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07678957230883937255noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3568673390320744291.post-70292484976969435062016-08-04T11:49:00.002+01:002016-08-04T11:49:35.490+01:00Time still marches on, dates fly by, and what have I achieved since the last post?<br />
Ha!<br />
You know those little niggly things, they just don't seem to go away, you think you'll just get those two done and then you can concentrate - and then there is another, and another ... Some things I could get away with not bothering too much about, other things just invade, brought about by other people and out with your - my - control.<br />
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Now and then I get to the studio, I get back into my studio work way of thinking, and do some stuff thinking I will come back tomorrow and get on with this ... Tomorrow comes and again there is something putting me in a dilemma - studio or not. <br />
I think, I have realised, that unlike my previous flat this flat is a bit consuming because it has a garden, because it has birds, because there are cats to look after, because it is so far away from the studio and all this combines to make a totally different 'hat' on my head. <br />
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It took me rather a long time to realise this, but there it is. I am a bit divided. I obviously don't multi task well!<br />
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begun accidentally and worked into</div>
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these are not necessarily finished pieces, but some pieces i begin and put aside, and carry on with randomly in between doing other things. Experiments i could say, but when is work not an experiment?</div>
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So, those things that are out of our control - like the upstairs loo secretly leaking into the ceiling of my clothes cupboard and ending up like this</div>
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The summer is nice here when it is sunny and warm, or even just warm. Gardening and attempting to grow climbing things around the windows, </div>
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Repairing my cupboard ceiling was due today, about a week after it happened. I was informed yesterday it will now be postponed for another week. The house is just strewn with clothing, in bags and boxes and hanging on book shelves; bedding, towels, and other things stored in that cupboard, its like camping.</div>
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The scaffolders arrived yesterday to erect the scaffolding outside to make repairs to the drain pipe and roof, while houses upstairs are being repaired from dry rot. I spend most of yesterday trying to protect my plants from scaffolding poles and big boots.</div>
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All pots removed and scaffolding up. Not for long though I am told!</div>
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Pots gathered around the other end of small patch of garden, seem to be doing fine.</div>
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and the climbers gathered around the tree so they have something to lean on! The builders apparently arrive on Monday, so that will be the next thing - worrying they might chuck stuff down any old how all over the place.. oh well, i guess it isn't the end of the world. Just, when you have worked so hard on something, tried to help something to live and not die ... it isn't easy letting go.</div>
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Listening to R4s biography of David Bowie every morning, notice how it takes me back to my own life's goings on as the years and transformations and albums go by, and thinking of him wondering how he did it all ... poignant, powerful.</div>
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Today i will head to the studio, no more waiting...</div>
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<br />three sea horseshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07678957230883937255noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3568673390320744291.post-43165547420866616332016-07-12T17:49:00.000+01:002016-07-13T10:02:41.510+01:00We are about to arrive in York.<br />
I'm going home after a week away in Norfolk at my sister-in-law's house, where nephews and their partners and one baby also gathered.<br />
It was a year since my brother died.<br />
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We visited his grave, an unlikely graveyard in a woodland, where a hazel tree planted last winter marks his spot, beside a wild hedge. His grave is overgrown with long grass and wild flowers, as it should be in a growing woodland. Still, we pulled out some of the longer grasses which seemed to be overcrowding wild flowers. It looked totally different from the last time I was there, when we planted his tree. The tree is now coming just over the top of the tree holder thing, so growing well. Look forward to seeing it get bigger. I can't help wondering how much of him, DNA or whatever leftover will be in the tree. <br />
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Now we have just left Newcastle and I took a photo but this isn't letting me upload photos.<br />
Never mind, I wouldn't find it interesting now!<br />
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A baby boy, making me a great aunt, my too soon dead brother a grandpa - or 'graps' - he would be called. 4 months old the other day and very gorgeous, of course we are all biased, he is a restless soul who only really calms down either when he manages to fall asleep or when he is carried outside - carried being the important thing - he doesn't tolerate his carrier sitting down! Amazing how he just immediately calms when outside, we decided he will definately grown up to work in something that is out of doors. Of course he reminds us all of his 'graps' who isn't here to meet him, although I did tell him if he saw a man there grinning at him while in the garden that would be his graps. He actually learned to grab and hold something this week, amazing really, so fast! It is something else to watch a baby work something like that out. He concentrates very hard on whatever he is looking at. So while I carried him in the garden and wandered around stopping at various points of colour or leaf, I saw how he concentrated so hard on it all, and eventually he began to reach out to a leaf, or flower, one day actually worked out how to grab a hold of it. He (we) picked a bit of rosemary, but that didn't stay in the fist for long, then there was a crumpled flower we (he) managed to pick for granny.<br />
He was the centre of everything, a centre through which I constantly saw my brother, as I expect did the others as well, although I didn't actually ask.<br />
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The next time we see each other will be for one of his uncle's wedding! It's all go.<br />
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The weather was lovely and warm, often sunny and didn't rain much and I was able at last to wear some summer clclothes most of them with baby sick on the left shoulder or down one side - easily washed and dried though!<br />
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I think this was probably the first time I've spent time with a baby and had such enjoyment of carrying it since I last did so with my son. I couldn't quite manage to have much to do with friend's babies or children since he was adopted, I held back somewhat while trying not to seem unfriendly. My son having found me seems to have opened up that part of me as I have found myself appreciating a child I come across here and there, and surprised myself at how easily I took to my great grandson.<br />
Phew.. What a funny life!<br />
<br />three sea horseshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07678957230883937255noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3568673390320744291.post-42633721064170218622016-06-30T17:36:00.000+01:002016-06-30T17:36:41.018+01:00What a grey day, grey week - or is it more.. Can't remember now when those weeks of hot sunshine were.<br />
I suddenly thought of Scoraig this morning, I thought of going to live there. I've never visited. Once long ago D and I thought of it, but didn't get around to it.<br />
Of course I can't just up and go and live there really, it's a measure of my need for an escape, for a time of big skies, of putting those cobwebs in order, standing back for some perspective.<br />
Last night on my way home at about 9.45 I was blinded by the golden sun low on the horizon, it was too early for sunset but I could see it would be a wonderful one in Newhaven, and again I thought of the almost flat in Starbank Road, and then of the hassle of buses late at night getting home from there if I was to go for a sunset from where I live now.<br />
I also realised that not being able to see sunsets or sunrises where I live means that over time I can almost forget about them, being reminded is not always a good idea.<br />
Of course the thing I am not mentioning is the recent referendum, putting us out of the EU. I have been reading, writing, thinking so much about it that I don't think I will do so here.<br />
I am at the top of John Lewis in the cafe with a great view over the Forth to the hills, big sky here.<br />
I'm not in the best of moods just now so I am not going to write much, but I feel a strong urge to make changes in my life. They probably won't be very big changes in the end. I can't go and live in Scoraig, what would I offer them and how would I pay etc... It's just an expression of where I'm at just now I think.<br />
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My brother died a year ago on 5th July and I am away to Norfolk soon to stay with my sister in law.<br />
three sea horseshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07678957230883937255noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3568673390320744291.post-53473597047136432862016-06-15T18:09:00.002+01:002016-06-15T21:17:28.640+01:00Duvet day and stardust<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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A duvet day today. Yesterday developed a very sore throat and determined to hit a pending cold on the head i stuffed myself with paracetamol and sore throat pastilles and sent myself off to bed early, where I stayed today. Actually not ill, but I've slept a lot and noticed a total lack of concern or worry about anything that I reckon it's been a day not wasted. Hurray. I can have a duvet day and not climb the walls - I just dont do duvet days.</div>
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Photos posted at random, not strictly true - just wanted to put up a photo or two, scrolling through photos I came across these two doodlings from the studio and thought why not, see them in a different context. Nothing special.</div>
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Ink, acrylic mono print</div>
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The other night I watched Wonders of the Universe - Stardust.. I found myself hooked very quickly, partly the images of the universe which are always fascinating, but mostly the story of our beginnings as told by Brian Cox. Many years ago when I worked in the hotel on Iona, my boss then - owner of the hotel - was a geologist by profession, and as I was studying art and exploring my interest in landscape and geology she gave me quite a lot of insight. I will always remember one thing she said to me which was 'we are all stardust'. A statement you would expect to hear an old hippy (like me, once) say. But which she went on to explain briefly how it is true. Anyway, so Brian Cox in this programme massively expanded on this - really I would recommend this (on iplayer) to everyone, you dont have to be interested in stars or anything. It was an overwhelming experience actually, to watch, an experience rather than just watching a programme, leaving me with such a feeling of our connectedness with everything and everyone. <br />
And another thing that struck me was the realisation that there must have been 'nothing' before the universe suddenly came into being, and how impossible I found it to imagine that, i cant imagine it. Then I wondered at humans very deep seated need to find meaning, and then a god, a system, a belief, all of these unprovable things because somehow no one can imagine the 'nothing' .....<br />
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I dont mean this to sound like I am denigrating people's beliefs, just because something has not yet been proved does not make it impossible, I am fairly open minded - just as long as no one is hurt then each to their own, obviously. <br />
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The programme before this one had been about what is happening to our weather, which was also very interesting as there was a lot of information about the Jet Stream, and many people who know me will know my 'thing' about the jet stream which I have been going on about for ages! So, hurray, some more information on it, why it keeps moving so much and even - get this - how/where it was relative to the UK throughout the 90s - I've always said the 90s were So Hot on Iona - well - the west coast anyway, and when i went back to work in 2000 the summer just was not the same - rain and mixed weather and it never really went back to those amazing summers of the 90s. So i didn't imagine it!<br />
It transpires there are a couple of theories about what is happening, one of them closely related to climate change. As the Arctic ice melts, the air is not as cold and so the difference in temperature each side of the jet stream is less, and that causes it's speed to slow down and it dips down to anywhere between beneath UK to down into Europe, and so we get these long phases of rain and the weather seems stuck. <br />
This is massively sketchy - you need to watch the programme to really get fuller information.<br />
There are other factors to the weather we have been experiencing over the last few winters - of course and scientists and meteorologists are working on it all, and finding new information.<br />
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Anyway, so another interesting possible contribution is that it has been found that the stratosphere possibly contributes to the changing flow of the jet stream. There are apparently waves in the stratosphere which occasionally break as they do in the sea, and this causes a warming - i think it is called sudden stratospheric ..... something. anyway, usually the air there flows west to east, but these sudden wave braking cause the air to flow in the opposite direction, and warm up and the air begins to spiral down towards the troposphere where it comes in contact with the jet stream and more or less stops it - slows it down - so that cold air from Siberia is blows in to the UK ... Obviously this so far does not seem to be connected to climate change (although nothing can be certain?) but it is very random, there is no pattern to follow, nothing to give anyone a clue to predict anything.<br />
And then, of course, there are many other factors which contribute to our climate, but it seems apparently that what can be certain is that we are going to need to work out how to live with more rain, and unpredictability.<br />
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Once again, to get the whole picture watch the programme, it is fascinating, and again makes me realise how interconnected we all are around the world..<br />
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three sea horseshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07678957230883937255noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3568673390320744291.post-41306708443602883232016-03-21T14:14:00.001+00:002016-06-07T20:39:28.239+01:008th March - a great nephew's birth, and Drumnadrochit And so life goes on, after a brief holiday near Drumnadrochit with eight friends and two fab dogs in an amazing house, lots of lovely food, company, walks and talks, my great nephew was born the day after I got back. So feeling a bit bereft of lovely company and country side my spirits lift with the news of his birth, my baby brother would have a grandson.<br />
I have to mark this occasion with a blog post!<br />
Little Louis Mark was born on 6th March at 8.27am.<br />
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<span style="text-align: center;">the house we were staying in near Drumnadrochit</span><br />
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a few years' worth of Christmas trees!</div>
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A long walk by Loch Ness</div>
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Leon had got himself covered in mud, we encouraged him to roll about in the snow, meanwhile Millie looked on not quite sure whether to join in</div>
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A walk to Divach falls</div>
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the colours were wonderful, sadly not quite coming through on this photo</div>
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A walk to Dog Falls through Glen Affric</div>
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Millie and her huge sticks, you can't see the stick but she is struggling to get it over the bridge, as each end of the stick gets stuck at every upright pole!!</div>
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Beautiful Glen Affric<br />
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love the colours</div>
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<span style="text-align: center;">now back to the house, a view through a gap in the dry stone wall</span><br />
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<br />three sea horseshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07678957230883937255noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3568673390320744291.post-30144304074032147162016-02-16T13:55:00.000+00:002016-02-16T13:55:04.816+00:00Almost another year goes by before I suddenly get the urge to blog. Many ups and downs and waters under bridges - that Mull holiday seems an age ago. However the core of that Mull gang have planned a week in a brilliant house by Drumnadrochit at the end of this month, probably be freezing but good to get away.<br />
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So I was thinking today, after having let next door's cat out of my flat and seen it was welcomed home by my neighbour who is ill with the flu, and i thought suddenly of my cat. My then partner got her for me when our baby boy died, in the '70s. She was only about 6 weeks old, and our other cat was quite keen to eat her - or something - so I slept on the kitchen floor (the days of coal fires in kitchens!) with her tucked into my shoulder and the other cat tucked into the back of my bent knees. When he thought I was asleep he'd stealthily start to creep up to the kitten. I didn't sleep much those first weeks. They grew to be inseparable and had 10 kittens.<br />
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Anyway. So what I was remembering this morning was the long time companion that kitten grew to be for 19 years. (Sadly we lost the other cat long ago). <br />
She went through all my many ups and downs through those years just being her talkative, affectionate self. She was my child and my friend, both, a constant in my life for those years.<br />
And then I thought how we have to grow up and let go of things like that, feelings like that. And I thought about how long I had really just wanted my first son back - he had been adopted, i was young, it was the 60s. Never being able to face the terrible irreversible mistake of it I just craved to be pregnant again, however as I've said, the next one did not survive beyond 9 hours. Probably saved him from a mother who just wanted her first son back - this I suspect in retrospect. A few years later and in along term relationship I discovered damage done to my tubes meant I could no longer have children and my cat saw me through that trauma, and all that followed.<br />
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So when my cat died it was devastating. Many years ago now, but still I miss her at times.<br />
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And no, I could never contemplate having another cat, until very recently when I thought.. well maybe.. and then moved into a little house with a tiny garden and lovely neighbours who have two cats who have adopted me as their 'extra' and my house as an annex!<br />
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And what happened next? What - a year ago? I think. My Son got in touch! He found me! I am still in shock - still keep thinking - wow really!?! Amazing. He is amazing. He is a magician - no really - he is!! And has two young daughters!! I'm a bloomin' granny! And it's amazing - no words can say...<br />
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Then last summer my little brother died so very suddenly. He had been so pleased about my son and had gone and spent an evening with him, said he was just like me - scatty, and mannerisms! I miss him so much. The one in the family who really got my art work - so got me.. the one I'd ask advice, or find peculiar and weird unbirthday presents for each year because he didn't like celebrating his birthday. So was always 'there'. It was his birthday yesterday.<br />
His eldest soon and wife are expecting a baby next month, so he will have been a grandad and would have loved it.<br />
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And so, life goes, so many things we have to let go of, or maybe just get used to living with - the desperately happy and the desperately sorrowful, and to remember it's ok to have a happy day, it's ok to laugh... <br />
<br />three sea horseshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07678957230883937255noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3568673390320744291.post-52888854735691086692015-11-24T17:36:00.001+00:002016-06-12T13:28:34.338+01:00Mull holiday <div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
May 2015</div>
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I have been lucky enough to be included into a group of friends weekly meet-ups over the last year or two. A couple of them I already knew and was friends with. Anyway it had become a bit of a mainstay for me.<br />
Recently it was one of our pal's 50th birthday and she decided that in celebration she'd like people to join her in a holiday on the isle of Mull in a rented house. As many of us as were able said yes and so quite a few discussions and arrangements had to be made, ferry booked for the vehicles we would be taking, food bought and loaded into the van, music, DVDs, binoculars, cameras and, of course secretly, presents and menu plans. Cooking roots and sleeping arrangements agreed, and funds collected and the day of departure came.<br />
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It had been agreed 3 hours would be enough to get to Oban for the ferry, although I did rather tentatively (unfortunately) say I was doubtful it would be enough time for any leeway. So we all actually just got there in time to be put into the standby queue because we missed check in time - the naughty queue - huge relief when we were allowed on.<br />
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At last out to sea and even in pretty poor weather it was a blast to be back out on deck again. The rolling of the ferry in slightly lumpy sea - it wasn't at all massive - but just that wee bit of roll was so good, the air, chilly and damp add it was, and the big sky and sense of space - it was like a release, to breathe again.<br />
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So finally the first eight arrived on Mull with a car and a large van, including Millie the dog which made 9. Birthday girl, van driver and Millie's 'mum' (!) and I travelled in front of the van which was an intense experience due to Millie's extreme and unconstrained excitement - she is not a small dog - but hugely lovable and affectionate. She obviously knew that this was an exciting and important journey, and wanted to see every bit of it!<br />
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The house was magic - i already knew the house from the road, having passed it on my way to Iona so often down the years, but never been inside. It did not disappoint, in fact we couldn't have asked for better.<br />
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The weather started off quite wild, but in a day or two calmed down to milder temperatures. </div>
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We were on the Ross of Mull, fairly near Carsaig Bay. The movie "I Know Where I'm Going" was filmed around here and at Carsaig, and this telephone box features in the film as well!</div>
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the old jetty at Carsaig</div>
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looking down to the bay</div>
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Golden Eagle - we all became obsessed with spotting Sea Eagles, Golden Eagles were just common!!</div>
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There were loads of walks to go on and cooking to be done although I was allowed off cooking duty due to my lack of abilities. There were wonderful views from the house over the loch, and sunsets to die for. </div>
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An old graveyard enclosed by a stone wall<br />
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Milly among the bluebells</div>
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Ben More looking up the loch from the house </div>
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Ben More was climbed by a few of us - not me though! Quite a good climb, apparently.</div>
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We also had a trip to Staffa, which I will post later.</div>
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<br />three sea horseshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07678957230883937255noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3568673390320744291.post-53135722907277340052015-05-17T13:31:00.000+01:002015-05-17T13:33:19.726+01:00home, away and home againsince the last post i've been home and then away again to Dorset this time, visiting family.<br />
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I was away for the election. It was very interesting and a bit depressing seeing it all from the South of England - well, England really. <br />
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As I took many walks around the area I noticed with surprise how many 'Vote UKIP' posters there were, but also with surprise and hope quite a few 'Green' posters. Obviously a lot of conservative ones - a given really for that part of the world i suppose, although all my family are firm Labour voters. <br />
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I talked to people in shops etc, always asking about Scotland and the SNP etc., and was quite disturbed to find how much misunderstanding there is about what is going on up here. Apparently Nicola Sturgeon is more or less 'evil' - a shock to hear - I have no idea about that myself, she just seems to be bright and speaks clearly - but 'evil'? wow. so who's psychic? I'm afraid the media's propaganda is by and large quite often believed.<br />
So more often than not I found myself having to put a bit of perspective into people's ideas, thoughts, beliefs of how people in Scotland are feeling, as far as I could and being as objective as possible, and including the fact that not everyone who would vote SNP would be doing so for the same reason and that probably quite a few people would still vote Labour .. etc..<br />
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Then the actual election (I had a postal vote) happened and we all woke up to all that blue. I am afraid Scotland is being blamed quite a bit for the massive conservative take over, because of the SNP surge. It is actually quite a big blow for Scotland as well, I think. Personally I had hoped to have much more of a hung parliament with a few parties' voices and much less of the conservatives.<br />
Couldn't be more wrong.<br />
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Here is an interesting article in the New Statesman, worth a read ..<br />
<a href="http://www.newstatesman.com/politics/2015/05/dont-give-angry-population-hard-govern-depressed-population-easy">http://www.newstatesman.com/politics/2015/05/dont-give-angry-population-hard-govern-depressed-population-easy</a><br />
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On a slightly cheerier note - one of my walks view<br />
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<br />three sea horseshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07678957230883937255noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3568673390320744291.post-13612226313112135372015-04-08T10:20:00.001+01:002015-04-08T10:20:40.356+01:00<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
Looking at my drafts I find a post I wrote while still house sitting but had not finished or published. So putting it up now, although it ought to be slotted in before the last post. Putting it up anyway!</div>
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28th March</div>
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In Fountainhall again, annual visit to house and cat sit for J&R while they're away.<br />
Snowed last night, bit unexpected!<br />
Elderly cat Thistle peed on the floor - very wobbly and forgetful, her daughter cat Brinjal pointed it out to me so I could clean it up, she gets quite worried about her mum.<br />
Yesterday a small fan heater gave up the ghost, which isn't great when it belongs to someone else. Then I found the fridge had gone off. What!<br />
Also noticed recently the birds weren't coming to the feeders very much - such contrast to their mobbing them till just recently. Started to get a bit of a complex - breaking electrical things, frightening away the birds ...<br />
Good pal M popped in the back door for a blether and pointed out I had switched the fridge off the night before by mistake when I thought I was switching off the outside light .. duh ..<br />
plus, getting warmer, birds probably finding other things to eat..<br />
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We went for a walk. Feeling so 'banned' from normal wide range roaming by the New Borders Railway, wondering about ways round or through, i had noticed that if you climb over a barbed wire fence you can get under a railway bridge which goes over the river to one of our walks which have been blocked off, so we tried it, well M tried it! She thinks it can be done, a bit of a long way round so one for a longer walk.<br />
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Then we came across this jacket hung on this small tree - very incongruous. What happened - did the wearer get so excited and delirious they threw off their jacket while running through the field; did the wearer get hot and annoyed and chuck it off in irritation; did the wearer go fishing hanging it there but forgetting it or did they just decide they didn't want it anymore and hung it there for another walker to find, thinking they might like it. hmm. none of it seems all that likely. Perhaps it is a secret marker for something...<br />
anyway this is it..<br />
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Ive had a bee in my bonnet about this Borders Railway for a while now, because of having lived here in the 1980s and on and off visited over the years, especially over the last few years to cat/house sit, so I have been seeing what they are doing to the place and places along the way. The idea of reinstating the old railway is a great idea, should be. But as time goes on you start to wonder who exactly this is for. A lot of the old stations are not being reinstated but the people living in the old station houses have been moved out, houses demolished or boarded up, pathways to and from the bus stops blocked off so people are made to walk a long way round to and from the bus adding to difficulties for those who have mobility difficulties and don't have cars. It is a 15ish minute walk to the bus stop. Apparently if you don't have a car you 'shouldn't' be living here - what a bloody cheek! And a lot of the walks have been blocked off, I suppose that is a bit inevitable though. </div>
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And maybe I am becoming what I never thought I would become - an old person resistant to change! </div>
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And how much has changed here - everywhere - since the '80s, which doesn't seem that long ago! Imagine we were once without mobile phones, didn't have a tv for years, no central heating or double glazing, our cars were usually falling to bits and just scraping by mot tests. (Still don't really like these all closed in cars where you can't hear the outside, I'm sure it gives a false sense of security). And we all visited each other much more often. </div>
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And maybe I am becoming what I never thought I would become - an old person going on about how things were in the past!</div>
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When we were much younger we thought we knew all about life, love and everything.. old people knew nothing and were always harping on about what it was like when they were young and - oh so boring! </div>
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The seven stages of man/woman, eh. The inevitability of it all, round and round, the circle of life.</div>
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<br />three sea horseshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07678957230883937255noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3568673390320744291.post-6506123272143092672015-04-01T15:53:00.000+01:002021-03-14T12:00:02.748+00:00Back from another cat and house sitting stint in the Borders, not too strange to be back really, but times are generally a bit strange these days anyway. Not that it's such a bad thing - just changes going on and a sad death of a friend - a special friend of a special friend.<br>
This March has been really chilly even quite cold, and the wind over the last few days gale-like. <br>
The stay was a good one though, being able to spend times and talks and walks with M, and visiting J&J a few times was good. Once again sleeping in the lovely attic bedroom with its view to the stars and trees - magic!<br>
The elderly wobbly puss not peeing all over the place any more thank goodness, but very affectionate and at times quite needy. The younger one allowing me to pet her more often without running away.<br>
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Walking to morningside to pick up a prescription I went along the canal for a bit - changes going on there - resurfaced part of the path and some pick up machine seemed to be digging up large bits of stone from the canal bottom!?<br>
I also saw this bird which was a shock as it looks like a cormorant or a shag - on the canal??! Then walked under the bridge only to see a heron flying overhead and wandered along head in the clouds wishing I had my camera, tripped up the steps to the road looking totally doolally!<br>
So - back to town and I see two birds unusual, actually the heron's not unusual, except it's usually on the Water of Leith, never seen it on or near the canal.<br>
No photos yet, this won't connect to them on the iPad.<br>
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<br>three sea horseshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07678957230883937255noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3568673390320744291.post-45959510332753230182015-03-26T12:07:00.001+00:002015-03-27T09:01:02.435+00:00I found this post in 'drafts', and it is now 27th March, 2015! Thought I should publish it but the post needs editing. <span style="color: blue;">* Edited and added bits in blue type</span><br />
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It is 2015, the day before the last day of January.<br />
I've been in the new house now for one year and 20 days.<br />
<br />
Having joined the Green Party I feel a bit more in touch with things but I have found a couple of things I am not sure about. I guess you're never going to agree with everything a party wants to implement <span style="color: blue;">is thinking about implementing?</span>.<br />
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The thing is, it has made me think about those - one of them being to have a blanket 20mph limit on (as I understand it) all roads - presumably not motorways. While this works very well on Bermuda, a small island where no one is allowed more than 1 car and only below a certain size and 'power' or whatever it's called, and the roads infrastructure is set up for it - I am not quite sure how it would work here, unless it was implemented only on appropriate roads, <span style="color: blue;">for example only in villages, towns and cities. </span><br />
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The other thing is abolishing the monarchy. <span style="color: blue;">Have since heard Natalie say that this is a question for the people to decide. </span>I have struggled with this question for ages. I don't think I actually know anyone who would want to keep the monarchy. <span style="color: blue;">Now I think I know one person who considers it! </span>I usually keep quiet on the question because I am so unsure. The thing is we tend to look at them and think they are all spoilt and have too much money and so on.<br />
Well I have no idea what they are actually like - only whatever the media decides to brainwash us with. As for money and property - yes, but don't presidents manage to amass rather a lot, cost the tax payer a lot?<br />
The other thing is hereditary. Ok, but - Who - what sort of person would choose to put themselves up for election as a president? How corrupted would they become once in the 'machine' inevitably, quite possibly not having the <span style="color: blue;">psychological </span>wherewithal to withstand all that. We would never really know what was going on behind the scenes - again only what the media fed us. <br />
Yes we can vote them out and get another one but I don't really think that answers anything. Maybe it is just the fact that we can vote them in and out that people want. I understand that, but I just think we'll be swapping one thing for something not any better. <span style="color: blue;">Remaining undecided about that.</span><br />
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<span style="color: blue;">And another thing - abolish the House of Lords - actually I am not sure the Green party is suggesting that, but it is an issue being discussed generally. Abolish hereditary membership of the Lords, just have elected Lords, because I think we need a second House, and some of the Lords who came up from the Commons are actually people who have worked in the 'real' world and have a lot of experience and knowledge in their fields.</span><br />
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<span style="color: blue;">End of rant!</span><br />
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<br />three sea horseshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07678957230883937255noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3568673390320744291.post-47397357666040220012014-12-30T14:15:00.001+00:002021-03-14T11:57:42.420+00:00Before it becomes 2015 I thought I would just do a post.<br>
Reading the last one over just now made me smile; what an optimistic and naive state of mind I was in then.<br>
Three months after that vote I am aware of the division between the 'yes' voters and the 'no'. There has been anger and hurt and a fair bit of horrid stuff going on. But one thing strikes me - both sides have the strong belief in their being Right, both sides look eagerly for anything that proves their rightness thus I feel blinding themselves to the shades of grey that life is, instead only seeing black and white.<br>
So to both sides - is this the Scotland we want? Is it time to grow up and stop the arguments, the statements that only contain the truths to suit the arguments, and somehow work together to find common ground.<br>
That is my rant - and I have to say not All yes and no people are behaving this way.<br>
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Happy Hogmanay to all, may yer lum always reek (is it?!)<br>
<br>three sea horseshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07678957230883937255noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3568673390320744291.post-75813605777101779402014-09-18T12:30:00.001+01:002014-09-18T12:30:38.966+01:0018th September 2014The day dawned at last. Whether I feel ready to vote or not, at last it is time to do so and as with the coming of any deadline I feel relieved. <br />
I have read and discussed and watched as much as I can on both sides of the argument and I finally decided late last night, my decision didn't change when I woke this morning. So I have voted.<br />
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I want to send all good wishes to everyone, whatever they vote. The fact is this is a momentous vote because we have the freedom to vote what we want, what our conscience decides, and this is quite something. Also, all our votes will count.<br />
So the outcome will be a fair and square one, made by us all, together - whether we vote yes or no.<br />
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I hope, whatever the outcome, that others in the UK will feel encouraged to stand up for their regions in whatever way as well.<br />
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Peace to all.<br />
Xxxthree sea horseshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07678957230883937255noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3568673390320744291.post-90396610733941007512014-09-15T12:45:00.000+01:002014-09-15T12:45:32.799+01:00Time fliesIt is now September - such a lot seems to have happened since last blog post, but seeming isn't always <br />
how things are.<br />
As we all know we are at the end of a long debate and campaign(s) for the referendum on whether scotland should be independent or not.<br />
The debate has caught fire - it seems no one really expected such a massive involvement of practically everyone in scotland and beyond. If nothing else it is getting people talking, people are getting politicised who had never been before, or had given up. There will be change of some sort which ever way the vote goes.<br />
Meanwhile the situation in the Middle East is going from bad to worse, China still oppresses Tibet, and the situation in The Ukraine is pretty bad also, that's not counting places I have forgotten about just now who are going through horribly awful times.<br />
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I have been quite distressed recently, so much negativity coming from some English - (not all) there does not seem to be much understanding about what the Yes voters in Scotland actually want and feel and what they don't want or feel. I am always for anyone having their right to be independent, have their own voice, etc, and it is distressing to find such a lot of unpleasant anti independence stuff bandied about. Mind you there has also been the same from he pro side on Facebook and that is also distressing.<br />
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I am English, lived here since 1970, and fully support the Yes vote, but I also care about my English family, and it is difficult to stomach the prospect of such a degree of acrimony between the two countries, which I fear will happen which ever way the vote goes. I am contemplating spoiling my vote, I just can't see how to vote, I feel so emotional about it that it's hard to be rational. I feel torn. I love scotland, always have since I came here and always felt it should be independent. But if my friends and family can't understand, if they take it personally and feel scotland is doing it against them - (they are not) then it makes me feel very sad and so I feel torn.<br />
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Having such a peripatetic childhood has it's effects. I remember which ever country we lived in wanting to belong there, wanting to be like the indigenous people and the feeling of being an outsider was always quite strong and I tried to find ways to belong. It was much easier as a child, although I didn't appreciate that at the time. And then it was very traumatic to leave a country, the people, the language, the customs and ways of that country, the smells, the landscapes and their gods and shrines. And even though nothing and nowhere remains the same, all that is a part of me.<br />
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It is still fairly similar now (perhaps not the gods and shrines) - wanting to belong, but the sense of being an outsider never really changes, tho I have never learned to speak like the Scots. I suspect this might have a bit of a bearing on why I find this impending vote so distressing. It feels somehow<br />
personal. I don't feel ready to vote yet!<br />
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I just thought I would write about it a bit anyway.<br />
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All for now.<br />
:)<br />
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three sea horseshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07678957230883937255noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3568673390320744291.post-43549495153066263612014-06-28T15:17:00.000+01:002014-06-28T15:17:18.288+01:00working in the libraryI came into the <a href="http://www.nls.uk/" target="_blank">NLS</a> cafe with laptop to do some writing, only to discover all sots of activities going on. Upstairs apparently is a lot of interesting material which normally would not be accessible, and there is a group of people knitting in a corner and also some arts and crafts. I have not been up to see it all yet, owing to wanting to get on with writing. Might do so later though.<br />
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The wildflowers along the bank of the canal are really taking off now<br />
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Vetch and Meadowsweet my favourites, and like catching the reflections in the water as well.<br />
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Still writing about our time in Greece, using some of my father's old slides. Hopefully will finish it one day and put it up here. <br />
After that I will start on the same thing with Thailand. The plan is to 'do' all the countries I was brought up in but whether I will or not is another matter. It was supposed to be as a record for any of the nephews and niece who one day after I am gone might find themselves curious.<br />
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All for now.<br />
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<br />three sea horseshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07678957230883937255noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3568673390320744291.post-22365742811665936032014-06-04T13:30:00.000+01:002014-06-04T13:30:08.524+01:006 Degrees WestWhen I sat down to write today I had not thought I would be doing a blog, but you know how it is when on-line, one thing leads to another and you end up in a different space from the one you had thought you would be in.<br />
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So this time I noticed a post by a group of artists which I clicked on and read. This is <a href="http://6degreeswest.blogspot.co.uk/" target="_blank">6 Degrees West</a><br />
who had a residency on Inch Kenneth Island, the work was exhibited at <a href="http://www.lanntair.com/" target="_blank">An Lanntair</a> last year.<br />
The group's blog is worth a good look and I wanted to share it. Each artist's very individual approach to exploring the Island, it's history, mythology and geology, creating a very diverse, informative, and most of all - I found - moving body of work, much of it resonating very much with my own interests (geology, history, myth - layering of time, etc) and emotional attachments to that area of the Inner Hebrides.<br />
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Going through a rather stagnant and frustratingly un-self-confident time in my studio practice, I resolved recently to start making bus journeys to Borders areas, east coast sea areas, just be in different spaces, explore different town/land-scapes and try to find my 'place' again artistically. Living permanently now as I do here in the East of Scotland I need to engage with it. Sometimes it is helpful to try to make the best of what is, and even transform difficulties into creative expression. I just hope I can live up to my words.<br />
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The thing about being alone is to keep going, to keep jogging oneself out of ruts (if possible!) and find out what holds the interest, even, dare I hope - find a passion again. No, not a Man!! Not relying on anyone else, but a subject, a thing, and then to commit to it. At this age I keep feeling there isn't much time - silly because I don't know how much time there is, who does. I guess it is a 'senior' age type feeling. <br />
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Another thing I notice, I seem always to remember a past time with good memories and think how happy was that time, then the realisation that it wasn't all so good, and the bad times were quite dire. But it struck me - do we only remember the good times and then have to concede that there were also not so good, and wouldn't it be nice if we only remembered good times and just forgot the not so good altogether.<br />
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The idea that to 'go over' bad times is to relive them and reinforce them is a valid idea, however, it seems that for some people this does not work. Sometimes in later life the things we resolve not to dwell on come crashing into our consciousness demanding to be dealt with. I have found with age that I understand now how fragile the ability to control the mind becomes, and how one must work harder at it and I wish I had worked harder at it when I was younger. <br />
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So with all these thoughts going on, 6 degrees west is a great antidote and a real inspiration.<br />
Thanks guys!<br />
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<br />three sea horseshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07678957230883937255noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3568673390320744291.post-44176080579627327742014-04-23T18:27:00.001+01:002014-04-23T18:27:25.670+01:00Greece In the 1950s we had a few years in Athens. This was our house. Well, it was the BOAC house.<br />
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This was our dog - Brakky - on the roof. Brakky apparently means little dog .. can't remember what language but not Greek i don't think.<br />
The roof was like another room - used a lot.<br />
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not sure what this 'plane is - might be a Viscount.<br />
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view from our roof</div>
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There were a lot of parties, and a lot of dressing up</div>
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this is my mother (far right of the group, hat, pipe and pint) and other assorted women dressed as men</div>
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This is my father (skinny one at the back with shades and a plait) and other assorted men</div>
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dressed as women</div>
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I had a 'thing' about Peter Pan - forever. this is me as Peter Pan, notice my shadow. The friend is Bo Peep.<br />
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For some reason a pillar box is what my father chose to be this time</div>
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We also travelled to other parts of Greece - sometimes only my parents went, like to here below</div>
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and the following 3 photos which MIGHT be Epidaurus, but i can't be sure as Pa has not left any notes with the photos (slides). If anyone recognises - please let me know!</div>
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And we went to a few of the islands ..</div>
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Again, I don't know where these places are ..</div>
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And we also used to go inland to the countryside and up the local mountain which I can't remember the name of but used to be quite a scary drive on hairpin bends with sheer drops over one side. No photos of that though.<br />
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Although this one isn't exactly inland - it could be mainland, or island</div>
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A mixture of island and mainland photos (I think)</div>
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there are rather a lot of slides, as my father was a keen photographer. Unfortunately a lot of them are starting to deteriorate, which is why we decided to try and get them scanned - a job I volunteered to do, but I quite like the way they are. I have tried to de-pink some of them as they aged the colour went funny, however others are fine, i think depending on the film my father used.</div>
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There are a lot more, i won't put them all up, but want to put a few more later, just for interest.</div>
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Will probably write a wee bit more later about memories, if i can get some coherent writing done.</div>
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<br />three sea horseshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07678957230883937255noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3568673390320744291.post-45874573673932304082014-03-08T13:50:00.001+00:002014-03-08T13:50:47.604+00:00My India MotherMy India family are actually Scottish. We met in Calcutta where we were all living at the time, but had not at that point become 'my India' family. <br />
I was a dreadful teenager spending a lot of time at the swimming club or over at their house, when I wasn't working. <br />
It was the '60s and we had all left school. The music we had was any album anyone had managed to bring out from the UK, and not having access to a lot of money - let alone internet and iPods - they were not many. I remember the Beach Boys, Sgt Pepper and Their Satanic Majesties were played a lot. <br />
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Eventually, and I suppose inevitably, the boys were sent to the UK to start careers. I had taken up with the middle boy by then, and missed him a lot after he had gone. <br />
My parents went on various trips to Kashmir and Darjeeling and I was sent to stay with my future 'India family'. Mum was very much an extra mum to me, and I enjoyed living there. <br />
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My India mum was 99 this January. She did not make 100. Her funeral was last week, a moving service with 2 brothers in law each doing their own eulogy. A long wake afterwards with many relatives and champagne and Indian food. She would have been pleased I think.<br />
<br />three sea horseshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07678957230883937255noreply@blogger.com2