Tuesday, 12 July 2016

We are about to arrive in York.
I'm going home after a week away in Norfolk at my sister-in-law's house, where nephews and their partners and one baby also gathered.
It was a year since my brother died.

We visited his grave, an unlikely graveyard in a woodland, where a hazel tree planted last winter marks his spot, beside a wild hedge.  His grave is overgrown with long grass and wild flowers, as it should be in a growing woodland.  Still, we pulled out some of the longer grasses which seemed to be overcrowding wild flowers. It looked totally different from the last time I was there, when we planted his tree.  The tree is now coming just over the top of the tree holder thing, so growing well.  Look forward to seeing it get bigger. I can't help wondering how much of him, DNA or whatever leftover will be in the tree.

Now we have just left Newcastle and I took a photo but this isn't letting me upload photos.
Never mind, I wouldn't find it interesting now!

A baby boy, making me a great aunt, my too soon dead brother a grandpa - or 'graps' - he would be called.  4 months old the other day and very gorgeous, of course we are all biased, he is a restless soul who only really calms down either when he manages to fall asleep or when he is carried outside - carried being the important thing - he doesn't tolerate his carrier sitting down!  Amazing how he just immediately calms when outside, we decided he will definately grown up to work in something that is out of doors.  Of course he reminds us all of his 'graps' who isn't here to meet him, although I did tell him if he saw a man there grinning at him while in the garden that would be his graps.  He actually learned to grab and hold something this week, amazing really, so fast!  It is something else to watch a baby work something like that out.  He concentrates very hard on whatever he is looking at.  So while I carried him in the garden and wandered around stopping at various points of colour or leaf, I saw how he concentrated so hard on it all, and eventually he began to reach out to a leaf, or flower, one day actually worked out how to grab a hold of it.  He (we) picked a bit of rosemary, but that didn't stay in the fist for long, then there was a crumpled flower we (he) managed to pick for granny.
He was the centre of everything, a centre through which I constantly saw my brother, as I expect did the others as well, although I didn't actually ask.

The next time we see each other will be for one of his uncle's wedding! It's all go.

The weather was lovely and warm, often sunny and didn't rain much and I was able at last to wear some summer clclothes most of them with baby sick on the left shoulder or down one side - easily washed and dried though!

I think this was probably the first time I've spent time with a baby and had such enjoyment of carrying it since I last did so with my son.  I couldn't quite manage to have much to do with friend's babies or children since he was adopted, I held back somewhat while trying not to seem unfriendly.  My son having found me seems to have opened up that part of me as I have found myself appreciating a child I come across here and there, and surprised myself at how easily I took to my great grandson.
Phew.. What a funny life!