Friday, 27 February 2009

i will probably regret putting this up ;-)

how odd it is that when pain goes away, and stays away for some time, it is so easily forgotten. i am talking from experience - now in pain, having not been for quite some time. i forget how damn debilitating it is, and how tiring, and how scary life seems because there is so much to get done, and then i start to think of the normal things i take for granted which also need to be done as usual, and i despair a bit. but then it is the middle of the night, and things are always worse then. i am up writing now having given up completely any idea of being able to lie in bed to sleep. i have to pace about the flat a lot of the time as it is too sore to lie down, or sit down even. i am sitting now but will probably have to get up again soon.

i thought i would turn on the laptop and check emails (none arrive in the middle of the night), so then i checked bank account (much the same as before), and now i am checking blogs - no one has written anything new so i decided to ramble on by way of distracting myself.

it was a friend's birthday today, i managed to get myself up there using my stick and a bus. i thought i cant not go, thats so mean and weedy. some of the bus seats are just the wrong height and catch me in the back of the leg to make it really sore, other seats are not so bad. but it was better than walking. anyway, glad i went, of course, it was nice to see people. i didnt stay long, but it was fine.

actually all i want to do is sleep, but unless i can learn to do it standing up, i dont think i shall be able to! well, of course what happens is that you dont sleep all night, you pace, you swear, you try to lie down, sit down, cant, get up again, and say out loud how am i supposed to DO this? (no answer of course) because you cant believe it. but then by morning you are so worn out that (hopefully) sleep takes over.. at least thats what has happened before.. but then you just miss out on whole days.

oh and the floor boards squeak and groan and so you hobble about trying to miss the worse places convinced that in the quiet of the night the poor old downstairs neighbour will be disturbed, and you hobble into the kitchen to make a cup of tea and worry that the noise will disturb the upstairs neighbours whose bedroom is above.
sometimes you just dont worry about it at all - everything is just too bad.

i cant seem to do any work in the studio when like this, just cant free my mind up, or settle, the pain just seems to take over. sometimes i try lie-ing in bed, light out, hot water bottle cosied up, and try to sink into the pain as if i can sort of get relaxed into it, hoping it will ease.. but no matter how i try it doesnt really seem to work. not when it is this acute anyway.

well time for another pace about. (it's mi arthritis, by the way, not a new injury!). :-)

Friday, 20 February 2009

a few days in the Lakes

the four posts that follow this are all of a few days i had in the Lakes with my pal Rosie, who was house sitting. we seem to have packed a lot in. also there were Jenny, her sister who lives beside the house, and Rebecca another pal from edinburgh (via the US, tho she is now honorary Scot like me and Rosie!). this is where Rosie is from originally, so home to her.
we also visited Grange-over-Sands, and Kendall, and i went a long walk myself and got totally lost, the only thing that helped me out was my phone having gps!! never thought i would have to use that, and i was in some woods on a hill!!

Hampsfell, Lakes

a walk in Hampsfell, a very unusual geological feature - limestone pavements. they are protected, so unusual. strange landscape. its just behind the village we were staying in. see the snowy hills in the distance.
Rosie and Jenny going down hill

there - that is a view of Morecambe Bay with the tide out. it is huge - vast.. and when the tide comes in it comes in really fast. there are strong eddies and there are quicksands..
Morecambe bay from Hampsfell

another M Bay from Hampsfell

Rosie and Jenny's brother's ashes are here, his favourite place


a little marker that his children made


at the top of Hampsfell is this, called a 'Hospice'! very old, very sweet. you can go up top and the view is amazing. you can go inside, there are lovely old notices and sayings in it, and stone ledges you can sit or lie on with a fireplace to light a fire and keep warm.

some of the rock forms made by glaciers on the limestone pavement


this is old Greek, it says 'The Rosie Fingered Dawn'

the house at Lindale

one of the cats, who, along with some large fish, had to be fed and looked after while the owners were away.

there in the distance you can just see the sliver of Morecambe Bay.

the house from the garden.

Jenny's wee house next to where Rosie and i stayed. Jenny; Rosie's sister. snow. obviously.
in daylight, well, dusk.

the view of the garden from the house. you can see Morecambe Bay in the distance when its clear

the green house

a very misty snowy garden

Tarn Hows

snowy hills and reflections. we couldnt work out what those white skid marks in the ice were made by - lots of theories though!!

snow on the high hills

we walked all the way round

most of the lake was frozen over but not strong enough to skate on.
the start of the walk. the photos are all the wrong order i forgot to upload the last first.. so annoying. but never mind.

John Ruskin's house on Lake Coniston

at Ruskin's place, its the white one at the top.



This is Ruskin's house.

the view over Coniston from Ruskin's house
just outside the lovely tea shop at Ruskin's pad!
lovely coffee and cakes and home made soup etc. and a wood burning stove.

the girls getting back in the car! it had started snowing!!