Wednesday, 29 June 2011

Studio move

I moved studio sometime in March, to a smaller space.  I moved from south facing, large windowed light, bright, airy, sunny stuido to a north facing, 'shaded', small skylight windowed studio!  i know, not much sense in it, except that it is now affordable.

Having said all that, it is actually a nice wee space, it feels nice.  When i was deciding whether to move or not, i used to come and ask for the key just so i could sit in it for a bit, it always felt a peaceful and calm and quietly friendly space.  Plus there is a large tree visible through the window, small and relatively high as the window is being a Velux, but it is good to be able to see some green, something growing and changing with the seasons, instead of a courtyard surrounded by buildings with the coming and going of cars.

It does take a bit of time to get used to a new space.  Which particular spot in the room feels right for drawing in, which bit of wall feels ok for painting on, which ... and so on.  I do often lose things because, being a smaller space, storage is more 'compact'.

I suppose if this had been a good warm-to-hot summer i might not have been in much - would have found some (excuse) project to work on which involved being outside.

Last year a boating trip in Loch Lomond involved a visit to a small island which has a tiny lodge on it - anyway long story short - picnics and walks - came across a skeleton of a deer, 'rescued' the skull and brought it back.  someone already had the antlers.  It is quite smelly - but has taken me till now to get around to boiling it, although i think it is going to take more than 2 shots at boiling.  I tried soaking in bleach as well, but still needs more.  What i need now is an implement to hang out the window which i can put it in so it can get weathered.  Anyway, this not being an ideal world thats not going to happen.
It is great how many things i can find to do in the studio 'just before i start work'. 
Use everything - that's what i say.

Bones and gods, i collect. and old maps. i have now got a Santa Maria, a Buddha, a Ganesh, and a collection of porcelain Thai gods which i made, with a ceramicist friend's help.
I used to collect old toy aeroplanes, but i havent been seeing any about recently.
Oh yes and also lenses, i collect them especially from old junk shops, for example old magnifying lenses but not necessarily magnifying.  See, its all relevant to me.

Well this is me in my peaceful studio,
on my laptop,
signing off,
(singing along to Aja - Steely Dan)
love to all
 A corner of the studio

Tuesday, 28 June 2011

Spell Against Sorrow by Kathleen Raine

Spell Against Sorrow

Who will take away
Carry away sorrow,
Bear away grief/

Stream wash away
Float away sorrow,
Flow away, bear away
Wear away sorrow,
Carry away grief.

Mists hide away
Shroud my sorrow,
Cover the mountains,
Overcloud remembrance,
Hide away grief.

Earth take away
Make away sorrow,
Bury the lark's bones
Under the turf.
Bury my grief.

Black crow tear away
Rend away sorrow,
Talon and beak
Pluck out the heart
And the nerves of pain,
Tear away grief.

Sun take away
Melt away sorrow,
Dew lies grey,
Rain hangs on the grass,
Sun dry tears.

Sleep take away
Make away sorrow,
Take away the time,
Fade away place,
Carry me away
From the world of my sorrow.

Song sigh away
Breathe away sorrow,
Words tell away,
Spell away sorrow,
Charm away grief.

Kathleen Raine, 1952

i found this poem years ago when i was going through a very sad time.  
I am not this sad now, i just remembered it and thought it was a nice one to share.

i watched 'Eat, Pray, Love' that same day i wrote the last entry.  i thought it would probably be one of those 'all you need is love' or 'everyone can have anything they want' stuff films.  its wasnt tho.  anyway, cut a long story short i liked the woman's general message which went something like :-

be courageous enough to leave everything behind (gulp!)
see everyone you meet on the way as a teacher
see me - see my memory
i cant remember the rest!!!!!

anyway it all made me realize how closed off and couried-in i have become, attached to all the props that give me the illusion of safety and of purpose.

another part of me just says 'accept'.  this is how i am. i have had enough of trying to improve myself for someone else - improve myself to be deserving. 

i have no idea why on earth i am blogging all this - talking to myself? and why not?!

Monday, 27 June 2011

worst summer in living memory

according to Me and a fisherman on Mull - yes, the worst summer in living memory here. it is basically crap.
so i havent done very well with starting to blog again.

questions to self:
are you depressed or just lazy?
are you tired all the time because you are just lazy?
would getting counseling just mean you concentrate more on what's wrong instead of trying to BE POSITIVE?

answers so far:
i dont know.
i dont think so, i find it tiring having to constantly 'rise above' and 'be positive' and cheery.  it feels heavy.
i dont know. constantly on the verge of finding counseling but afraid to as well.
fed up with self.

so there you see, how boring is that if thats what i blog.
so i am tending not to blog again.

lots of love to the one person (probably) who reads this!!

Tuesday, 14 June 2011

I will Try To Blog Again

I will try to blog again.
I seem to have lost the wherewithall for blogging over the last few months.
I have no idea why, really, but perhaps it was just not one of the most important things on my mind..

So, i will start this new phase (hopefully) of blogging with :
It is slightly warmer today than it has been over the past month and a half.
It has rained a lot, been cloudy and windy ever since the end of April.
I will probably moan about this quite a bit because I am fairly bothered by it.
So it is warmer today and the sun actually shone, although it still is not warm enough really.
I met a friend in the National Library for coffee, we sat outside.
I went for a walk with my book, sat and read for a bit in the sun (fleece still on), I am reading Kiran Desai - The Inheritance Of Loss.
It cheers me because her writing is brilliant, and often funny while dealing with quite hard subjects.
I am pleased because Amitav Ghosh's new book has at last been published - his second in his Ibis Trilogy, where The Sea Of Poppies is the first. He is another wonderful writer.
My list of projects is still in list form.  I dont think i have really begun one properly yet.
Oh well actually i have begun one which is to type up my dissertation on the compter as I did it when we had floppy discs and they wont work anymore.  Just so i can have it digitally and then use a pagemaker to put it all together with the images.
well, why not.  All that work, eh? might as well.

Oh yes, also been scanning my father's slides - so many to get through - but now i have almost finished the Thailand early 1960s ones.  some have gone a bit pink and funny.  they all take me back to when we lived there, many memories. I don't think i will ever go back, never go back, really.  too many changes will have happened.  too many memories to get lost in.

My window box plants are being very slow this year due to this weather.
the wee plants struggle on tho, they don't give up.
i bought a deep red pelagonium (what?!! a sort of geranium thingy!) from Homebase in their 'bucket' sale going cheap, rescued it - nothing wrong with it.
Re-potted, happy plant now.

it is cloudy and windy again.

my love and greetings to all.